#83 Keep Showing Up With Purpose During Hard Times with Rabbi Jonathan Cohen
“What I’ve learned most importantly is that we have to be there more for each other.”
Listen to this episode on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, Youtube or your favorite podcast platform. You can also watch this episode on YouTube.
The hardest chapters of your life often become the clearest mirror of your values.
When Rabbi Jonathan Cohen woke up one Shabbat (Saturday) morning unable to move, he had no idea he was facing a life-altering medical emergency. What followed - emergency brain surgery, a cancer diagnosis, and a whirlwind of hospital visits - could have broken his spirit. Instead, it clarified his purpose.
In this raw and deeply human conversation, Jonathan - affectionately known as "JoCo" - shares how he continues to show up with purpose during hard times, for his family, his community, and himself, even in the midst of fear, fatigue, and the unknown. With humor, wisdom, and an unmistakable warmth, he invites us to rethink what it means to live meaningfully when life turns upside down.
This isn’t just a story about illness. It’s a story about resilience, presence, and the power of showing up with purpose, even when everything else falls away.
In this conversation about showing up with purpose during hard times, you’ll hear:
The Shabbat (Saturday) morning that changed everything for Jonathan
How he stayed grounded in his values through a health crisis and what helps him through the hard times
What it meant for him to suddenly be a patient
What makes a visit meaningful when someone is seriously ill
Caring for others and visiting communities affected by October 7, even as he confronts his own health challenges
Jonathan’s reflections on vulnerability, community, and setting boundaries
Many more insights
BIO
Rabbi Jonathan Cohen (affectionately known as "JoCo") is a dynamic force of inspiration within the Jewish community. He works with Yeshiva University (YU) recruiting gap-year students to continue their education at YU, while also serving with NCSY (a division of the Orthodox Union) to help young couples find their place in Jewish communities across the United States. Beyond his professional roles, Rabbi Cohen is renowned for his exceptionally warm and open home, where he and his family have hosted countless students for Shabbos and Yom Tov meals.
Recently diagnosed with cancer, Rabbi Cohen faces this challenge with remarkable resilience and positivity. Despite undergoing intensive treatment, he remains steadfast in his mission to serve others. He continues to travel across Israel, leading impactful trips and providing support to communities affected by the events of October 7th, turning his personal struggle into an opportunity to spread kindness and connection to those in need.
ABOUT OUR HOST
Uri Schneider, M.A. CCC -SLP is co-founder and leader at Schneider Speech; creator and host of TranscendingX podcast community; and former faculty at the University of California, Riverside School of Medicine.
Behind the scenes with Jonathan Cohen 4.4.25
EPISODE HIGHLIGHTS / TIME STAMPS
00:00 – Introduction to Jonathan Cohen’s Journey
01:37 – Life Before the Cancer Diagnosis
07:27 – The Morning Everything Changed
13:59 – Emergency Brain Surgery and Hospitalization
21:03 – Adjusting to Life as a Patient
26:50 – Support from Family and Friends
32:09 – Navigating Visits and Staying Positive
36:12 – What Makes a Visit Truly Meaningful
40:10 – Balancing Illness with Family Life
40:57 – Creative Ways Visitors Made an Impact
42:44 – Community Engagement as a Healing Practice
Jonathan Cohen visiting heros at Shuva Achim 2.10.25
45:44 – The Therapeutic Power of Getting Outside
47:37 – Supporting Others Through Small Gestures
50:28 – Seeing Life Differently Through Illness
55:42 – Fighting vs. Managing Illness
59:33 – Finding Strength Through Support and Positivity
01:02:44 – Final Reflections and Life Lessons
MORE QUOTES
"Being a hero also means going through challenges and creating opportunities.” - Jonathan Cohen
“What I've learned most importantly is that we have to be there more for each other.” - Jonathan Cohen
“That first week, there were certain people [who] weren't even thinking about themselves. They were thinking about ‘what can we do to put a smile on your face?’” - Jonathan Cohen
“Communication is still a hard thing in the generation that we live.” - Jonathan Cohen
RESOURCES
Join JoCo’s Whatsapp Status Feed. Save Jonathan’s contact and text him here
Join Tehilim (Psalms) Group here - יהונתן איתן בן בת שבע ברכה
Jewish Education Job Opportunities - in 🇺🇸 USA - here and in 🇮🇱 Israel - here
FULL EPISODE TRANSCRIPT
[00:00:05] Uri Schneider: Welcome to TranscendingX. Whether it's stuttering, public speaking, or crucial conversations, all of us have something that holds us back. What if there was a way through it? I'm Uri Schneider from Schneider Speech, where we help people talk more and fear less, and I'm the host of the TranscendingX community.
Join me as we talk to high performers, researchers, and everyday heroes to discover how they transform their challenges into breakthroughs, and most of all, find ways for each of us to transcend X in our own lives.
Sometimes you go through an experience that's truly life changing. Um, Jonathan Cohen has gone through an experience of being hit with cancer, unexpected uninvited, and how he's responded to that challenge is something that's been inspiring to me. And we've spent more time in the past few weeks than we ever spent in our life together, and I'm so grateful to share this conversation where he takes us through that, that morning that he woke up, had a headache and couldn't get outta bed, whereas the day before he was running around and had just gotten off an international flight and everything that transpires from that morning to the hospital.
How he's receiving visitors, how he's getting through this on the inside, and how he's also finding the energy that he can give and the energy that it gives him to give others a smile. And to show up. There's so much practical wisdom, so much personal wisdom, and so much soulful, soulful stories in this episode.
I can't wait to share it with you. Wow. What a treat. We're here to sit with you, Jonathan Cohen, and to have a chance to have this conversation. I'm really, really grateful to have this time, to have this chat and to just hear a bit more of your story and where you're at and how you're going through this.
[00:02:13] Jonathan Cohen: Thank you so much. It's a real privilege and opportunity and uh, I can't wait to see what develops.
[00:02:20] Uri Schneider: Yeah, totally. So I don't know the best way to jump in, but maybe you know, what happened in December, what was happening prior to that Shabbat morning and what happened on that morning.
[00:02:30] Jonathan Cohen: So thank you so much for asking.
Uh, I think life was just normal. I. And everything just was in a, a flow, the chavis before we actually, my wife and I and my daughter went to America, go visit my son who lives there. And we had my nephew's bar mitzvah and we really got to enjoy ourselves, spend some time in America. And we didn't realize that it was a very intimate type of celebration.
It was just immediate family, no one from the outside. Uh, shabbos day they had a nice celebration for the people from, uh, their synagogue. But everything else was just the immediate family and just special bonding time and little. Where is this? This is North Woodmere, New York.
[00:03:19] Uri Schneider: Do you have your parents and your My
[00:03:21] Jonathan Cohen: parents were there.
My younger brother flew in. My family, four of us out of eight were there. My, uh, my brother's family was a family of eight. And then from my sister-in-law's side, they had also very intimate. A few brothers, sisters, a mother family came in from Toronto. We were a total of 23 people. Now I'm a little bit more cautious when, uh, I hear small numbers at parties and I realize that sometimes smaller is better because you actually are spending time with people who actually know the person who's celebrating, especially here is the Bar Mitzvah boy, and I really got a chance to get to know him.
I was the one who got to walk into shul on shabbos
[00:04:03] Uri Schneider: the Bar Mitzvah boy,
[00:04:04] Jonathan Cohen: the bar mitzvah boy, and talk to him about his excitement. They had just, uh, switched shuls a few months earlier and I asked him how many times he's da prayed in this synagogue, and he told me it was his third time. Wow. Just because a parent goes somewhere doesn't always mean the kids run to where the parents go.
And I said, I'm proud that I get to walk you. I knew that my brother was probably gonna come a few minutes late. Does have a child with Down syndrome. So it takes sometimes a little bit longer to get everything organized. And I made sure to sit next to our own, the Bar Mitzvah boy in shul. And uh, it was nice to see an American also celebration.
It's very different here in Israel. Most people come just for the kiddish here in America. If you know the family, which is here, here in America, people will actually come because they know you. The family, they will, meaning they'll go to shul and actually part of the celebration in Israel, people will just come afterwards to wish you a mazeltov.
Congratulations. But they won't automatically come pray with you, which now looking at two sides of the coin, I think it's more important to be there for the Bar Mitzvah boy and to hear him in whatever it is that he's doing, whether he is praying, whether he's reading from the Torah portion, and uh, part of throwing the candies.
And I came outta that shabbos on cloud nine just because like I felt like I really was part of the celebration. And many of times I see people go for a celebration and they're just, I'm sure we'll get back to just checking a box as I was there for my family. But how were you actually there for them emotionally, mentally?
So that was very special. I had come back to America on Sunday night. My wife stayed a few extra days with my daughter. 'cause once you go to America, you wanna do some touring and you wanna get in the sites. But as I mentioned, I have a son that lives there and just, uh, spend some time with him. I went on a, that Thursday night, which was December 5th, we had a very close friends who had an azkarah, memorial for their son who was killed in, uh, the Army last year in the war.
And, uh, it was a very moving evening. I. Uh, just different speeches. Uh, Shlomo Cats came to play instruments and people were happy to see each other, but I think everybody was focused on the event of being there for the Airley family. And to remember Binyamin Airley and my wife came home, say midnight Thursday night.
Friday morning, Friday. I want to make sure shabbos was, you know, set up. My wife get to sleep a little bit just so we go into shabbos normally, but our house is always open. And, uh, we had even my niece and nephew come to sleep. I asked for shabbos, I asked for my wife if we could just have Friday night, just a quiet meal, just ourselves.
Just regroup. We haven't been together for about 10 days now with all the different celebrations and, uh, we had a beautiful Friday night meal. After the meal, we walked to my mother-in-law's house. Lives two minutes away. Spent some time there. She had company, we were schmoozing, we were talking. Then we walked to Pircha Soloveichik and Chaim Soloveichik.
My sister-in-law and brother-in-law had a beautiful meal and or beautiful conversation during our, at the end of their meal. But the one thing that we were remember from that conversation is that even at a person who turns 50, I'm only 49, but even a person who's 50 sometimes can change their jobs, can change their trajectory.
And my brother at age 52 change his parnassa, his job in terms of what he does. He's the CEO of Algemeiner. And at age 50 actually had a baby, which is like his, you know, his favorite child. I said it and I think everybody knows it. And we were looking at each other of like, sometimes we feel, not that we're stuck in what we're doing, but can we doing more for the greater good of the world?
[00:08:09] Uri Schneider: That was Friday night. You remember this conversation Friday night?
[00:08:11] Jonathan Cohen: I remember that conversation and we joke around about it because we had no idea what was in store for us. The next morning, someone else remembers a conversation I had that lives between my mother-in-law and my sister-in-law. I can't put the timetable together, but he said that he was so thankful.
I gave his brother like a half hour of time to talk about he had just moved to Israel and was looking for a job and just to brainstorm ideas. I remember on Friday night, or this was Friday night at some point, I just can't remember when I actually spoke in shul Friday night in the middle of shul saying a, uh, you know, an idea.
And then Shabbas morning came Saturday morning came.
[00:08:50] Uri Schneider: So that just gives an idea of the pace and the way that Jonathan Cohen rolls.
[00:08:56] Jonathan Cohen: Yep. Yeah,
[00:08:57] Uri Schneider: that Friday night is a pretty good encapsulation. That's, yeah. You landed Thursday for azkarah. Prepared the house, got everything ready so your wife could be a little bit, a chance to resettle and, and then you had an intimate Friday night meal, but that wasn't enough.
Then it's time to go now. Now the socializing then go for night visiting the mother-in-law. And
[00:09:14] Jonathan Cohen: the, that's more my wife, less about me, but can't automatically my wife's praises too
[00:09:18] Uri Schneider: much. And then you find out afterwards that also along the way, ba'derech, along the way, there were other sacred encounters.
[00:09:25] Jonathan Cohen: Yeah.
[00:09:25] Uri Schneider: That you don't even remember as being that significant. But someone else was touched by that encounter. And
[00:09:30] Jonathan Cohen: he even came to me a few weeks later when he saw me on the street and said, thank you so much. Because even if it didn't get him that specific job that he was looking for, or gave him ideas of how to put his life together or reach out to other connections.
So that was, uh, such a
[00:09:43] Uri Schneider: ba'derech moment on the, on the way, on the way these, these very, uh,
[00:09:47] Jonathan Cohen: I feel like we're talking about Judah Mischel without talking about Judah Mischel . This is a plug for you. Well, he was there Thursday night where I made sure that he was able to just be Judah Mischel. Spending some time with his mechutan and Jake without needing what we call paparazzi and just able to just be a ben adam, just being a
[00:10:06] Uri Schneider: person that's, Judah is not a sponsor of this episode, but
[00:10:09] Jonathan Cohen: he might be after this.
[00:10:10] Uri Schneider: But, uh, I encourage you, you know, if, if, if Jonathan Cohen's stories don't get you or wet your appetite, then you can get many, many more in Judah's book Baderech and his new for Passover. Yeah. Beautiful.
[00:10:22] Jonathan Cohen: Unbelievable. Yeah. So then we
[00:10:23] Uri Schneider: go to sleep at some point
[00:10:25] Jonathan Cohen: we go to sleep and we were talking how we had a kiddish on, uh, Saturday morning for my new great niece.
Okay. Uh, and you're 49. I'm 48 at the time. 48. 48 At the time we said how I go to shul at eight 15 in the morning, not go to the normal nine o'clock, don't sleep in late because I wanna be there. It's about a 15 minute walk to Katlav, the other side of town. And, uh. We were excited. You know, it's always nice to have a celebration in the family, even if the baby won't get to know me for a while.
But it's always nice when my wife's family gets together. So I said to my wife, we'll, wake up, go to 8:15 minyan, or at least I'll go there. Maybe she'll go to a little bit later, minyan. But enough time to get there for 11 o'clock. Celebration, we happened to have woken up at seven 40 in the morning. I turned over, I said, Tzivia, what time is that?
Seven 40? I said, shul's not til 8:15. I said, let's go back to sleep. She goes, okay, no problem. Great. I was feeling great. No, nothing was bothering me. And she woke me up at eight 20. She said, Jonathan, you'll leave for sure. And that's where everything just changed. I tried to turn over, I couldn't turn over, said Tzivia, I had this massive headache.
She's like, okay, you know, I take some Advil. I said, I can't move. She's like, come on. You know, the good wife always tells the husband is like, it's not a, you know, real issue is your connect though. Then I said to her, Tzivia, I feel like my brain is bleeding and my brain is on fire. Now, I, I would call those trigger words that like, we're an emergency situation, but like again, maybe we don't realize what's really going on.
People rumored that I fainted in shul or I collapsed on the floor. None of that was true and uh, I just stayed in bed. I couldn't move my wife somehow understanding my desperation. We have a doctor that lives literally next door probably, you know, say to walk down the stairs, knock on his door, make sure he is home.
Probably took about seven minutes and she just wanted to get him to come up and just tell me that I have a headache and like, keep going. Take some adly and keep going. My daughter would just open the door. She's 10 years old. And she was sort of watching me during those seven minutes. She was lying on me, as she said I was snoring, bring breathing very, very heavily, just trying to sew signs of, uh, being alive.
And I asked her weeks, weeks later, because the day itself was very hard to ask someone to go through it for you or you just don't believe it. And she told me she was lying on me and she was saying some psalms, she was saying some Tehilim. When I asked her which tehilim, she said, she said, mizmor kuf a hundred.
And that actually was the mizmor that I asked people to say for me because there's a very special verse there that says "ivdu et Hashem b'simcha" that we should serve Hashem with happiness. And I said, why'd you choose that one of 150 choices? And she said, that's the one I know by heart. I was blown away. I was very, very special and, uh, very meaningful.
And when the doctor came, he saw that I was, I guess, more unconscious or that I needed to really get to a hospital immediately. There was no fun and games. I did say to the doctor like, what did you do to tell that there was something really wrong? He says, well, I poked you so I said, but you're from London.
People from London, like tap, they don't poke. He goes, trust me, I was a doctor that day. I was not like your friend. So they crawled for different ambulances to come and, uh, eventually threw, I hope I got it right. And Mada, they got me to the hospital. One of the people from MADA who actually was in that ambulance, he saw me this past week.
This is about 16 weeks and one day later, and he said you were dead, like you were not alive. And he did go to visit me, I guess the next day on Sunday. And he saw that I was talking. I looked alive and he was just in shock. So the rest of the day of Saturday is really more up to my wife because, and the surgeons, because they were in the hospital Hadassah Ein Kerem, they're amazing, amazing people.
And I thank everybody who was just so professional. I only found out weeks later, a week and a half ago that one of the nurses pushed to make sure that they kept me alive. She read my chart and said, here's a guy who at the time was still 48 with six children, and like, this is not someone who was, you know, finished off his life already.
Now again, we have concepts of, we live because we have a, uh, mission to accomplish. And whenever a person's time is, that's because hopefully we've fulfilled our mission. But she told the doctors, you have to do whatever you can. Wow. My wife actually said to the doctor afterwards, post facto, the only difference between real surgery, which I had brain surgery that day, and uh, Grey's Anatomy, which is a TV show, which I'm sure many people have watched, is that in the middle of Grey's Anatomy, they come out in the middle of the surgery to update the family of what's going on here.
You're dealing with real life. So I don't know if you have that time or luxury to go outside, share information. Uh, so my wife was outside for the rest of Shabbas saying to tehilim, just thinking, you don't really, you don't have your phone. There's not really people around you, and you're walking around and just like, you'd have to ask her.
That's like a very personalized five and a half, six hours. That's her time and her story, not anybody else's.
[00:16:22] Uri Schneider: And the kids are home and they're also, the kids are
[00:16:24] Jonathan Cohen: home. We had, uh, Pircha's family, I think send some people here to eat with them. Uh, they were very on this side of the coin back in Ramat Bet Shemesh when my kids went to walk to the kiddish, 'cause they wanted things to be as normal as possible.
They bumped into the Soloveichiks and they said, let's not say anything. Let's not let the kiddish take a damper and all of a sudden change the motif. this was a
[00:16:48] Uri Schneider: celebration you were supposed to go to, so your kids went, but they didn't tell their aunt and uncle and they didn't tell
[00:16:53] Jonathan Cohen: anybody else about what was going on.
Everything was a very, very quiet and it was very impressive because sometimes when you have something that you want to either get off your chest. So they at least had their aunt and uncle that knew, uh, because they said, oh, where are your parents? And they said, well, they went to the hospital, uh, but was snoring or not really moving.
So that was also scary for them 'cause they don't know exactly what had happened. But they knew that if he went to the hospital, something must have been an emergency. And uh, then they had to step up as the parents of how do you manage your children? How do you just manage the rest of the brother-in-laws and mother-in-laws?
And one of my sister-in-laws was waiting after shabbos by my mother-in-law's house to then tell her the news the first time that something's off again, you'd have to ask my mother-in-law her first reaction. They called my sister-in-law, Chavi Stern and on, on a phone call, what their first reaction is to call my daughter, who is not with us for shabbos.
She's married. So her reaction and how everybody just moves and it's like go. And I, if I recall correctly, Pircha came with my mother-in-law and my daughter came with my son-in-law from where they were for shabbos at motsei shabbos. Saturday night, they could have, you know, be there with my wife just to, you know, share vent.
And my daughter was there for, I remember she was holding my hand. I'm gonna get the story wrong, but like, all I wanted was havdalah. Like somehow just the entire first week, I, I just wanted to do things that, I don't wanna say check off boxes, but that could keep me motivated, keep me just going again. I, I didn't even really understand.
I use the concept every time of, well, this can't be as bad as brain surgery, so you need to prick me. You need to take blood, you need to pin an iv. It hurts. And I was scared of blood growing up. They used to pay me to take shots. How much. I think I remember one time, $34. Why that number rings a bell. I have no idea.
You got paid also.
[00:19:08] Uri Schneider: No, no.
[00:19:08] Jonathan Cohen: You were good.
[00:19:09] Uri Schneider: I should have.
[00:19:10] Jonathan Cohen: They used to have to sit on me to, you know, now I think hopefully I've grown up. Now it's still not always easy, but, uh, and I do, I have a little bit, no. Can you imagine what you could have
[00:19:20] Uri Schneider: negotiated for brain surgery? Like if getting a shot was $34?
[00:19:24] Jonathan Cohen: Yeah. Otherwise, I, I, I guess I was dead or not dead, so I can't, uh, I don't remember people say like, what? Do you remember that day after being in my house being taken down the staircase? I remember bits and pieces in the ambulance, but not really, you know, obviously you feel motions. I, I can't tell you any of the conversations.
[00:19:45] Uri Schneider: Do you remember being there, your daughter's holding your hand, you remember wanting to make havdalah at the end of Shabbas? Yeah. And then where'd we go from there?
[00:19:52] Jonathan Cohen: I, it was, it was more of them just. Taking control. My wife, my daughter of like, should Abba have his phone, not have his phone? You know, Abba needs to rest right now.
Some other person came to visit me that night, literally like Eliyahu Hanavi (Elijah the Prophet), which I'm still trying to get in touch with, which has been a little bit difficult. Who also is very helpful protexia or just, uh, knowing the right words. And I was just a patient of just whatever I could. I, I couldn't walk. I had a walker, but I needed help to go to the bathroom.
In the bathroom itself, they gave me the privacy just in case. Uh, showering was not easy and, uh, especially since I had a lot, a lot of pains and boo boos, my whole head was bandaged and white. My kids wanted my head to be bandaged 'cause they were scared of what they were looking at. My kids did come visit that first week.
Uh, I also found out on Tuesday, only three days later, my brother came to visit me. It's like, how does that staple feel? I'm like, the what? He goes, yeah, you have a staple right here. I, I was, you know, those type of things do scare me. So I was like, oh, let's make sure then that the, you know, the head covering is covering the staple.
I, I, I didn't wanna make it awkward for myself. And again, I wasn't looking in a mirror, but that first week, everybody, everybody that came, thank you so much, because that really helped me. Musicians came, some famous musicians came, friends came not just once. That's also, uh, talking about le like checking off a box of like, I came, I did my duty.
And I, I've seen a little bit of the difference of visiting a friend who's sick versus someone who's sitting Shiva, who's lost, uh, you know, close one. Let's
[00:21:46] Uri Schneider: just, let's just roll right into that. So over that week, suddenly you're not able to run around the way you used to. Suddenly you're not calling all the shots, you're not, uh, the man of the house that you were,
[00:21:57] Jonathan Cohen: and my phone was taken away till everybody left that night.
[00:22:01] Uri Schneider: So what was that, what was that shift like? Like turning into a patient?
[00:22:05] Jonathan Cohen: So, being a patient was, I don't, it takes
[00:22:08] Uri Schneider: patience
[00:22:09] Jonathan Cohen: that it, it takes patience. Especially at night. The nighttime was the hardest and we'll get to the nighttime, but during the day, they wake you up at any moment, meaning it's four in the morning, okay, you gotta go take this pill and you don't have, uh, you know, any time to think about it.
You just, okay, I'm taking a pill. Uh, then they go to take, uh, your blood and they go to take your, uh. Blood pressure, which they felt was high some of the days. And I was like, I think you should take it on this side, not this side, but my veins are supposedly not so great. It's not easy to find. So that wasn't easy for them.
The food, I, my taste buds were horrific. And, uh, even on Wednesday and Thursday, they brought me like, then they brought me a deli roll, but it just had, I was very appreciative and I guess because they were close friends. I love you all dearly. It's not that I don't like your cooking, I love your cooking.
It's just my taste buds wouldn't allow me to enjoy it. And I was also trying to find, so hot soup was amazing. Liquid was amazing. I think I lost like 10 pounds that first week. Uh, we tried to get Sheyan's, which was my favorite food. And anybody wants to get me Sheyan's, you're more than welcome to. Uh, there's a great soup there.
There's a king. Which soup?
[00:23:29] Uri Schneider: Just so we know. It's
[00:23:30] Jonathan Cohen: the, uh, it's like a wonton soup.
[00:23:33] Uri Schneider: Yeah.
[00:23:33] Jonathan Cohen: And it's just, it's hot. It's ill Sheyan's
[00:23:37] Uri Schneider: wonton soup versus Chosen on, Central, avenue. Oof.
[00:23:41] Jonathan Cohen: Wow. Or, or Wing Wan in West Hempstead. Oh, now we're gonna West Hempstead. Oh. West Hempstead is amazing. And there in West Hempstead, the sweet and sour chicken, but chosen also has some great dishes.
I enjoy the Chinese stuff,
[00:23:54] Uri Schneider: but they don't deliver here,
[00:23:55] Jonathan Cohen: I don't think either. Yeah. Way to go. And we're gonna ach soon. So, uh, but it's, it's, it's, it's more about the camaraderie. I had these two roommates. One was, uh. Somebody who lives in the old city doesn't really know Jewish music at all, but yet the Jewish music that was being played, it was music to their heart and they never told me, you know, turn it off.
And I have a roommate that's also a whole dynamic. My second roommate was someone who was in a motorcycle accident and every 20 minutes the clock refreshes and he asks you why you have that on your head, why? Like you have to learn to be T patients, traumatic brain injury. It's like, uh, and uh, they're amazing family.
And the mother of the father was there at his call and he's already five months later and they're taking care of him. They love him. I do see a little bit of a difference of the patience that a wife has versus a father has, or a mother versus a father, just in terms of dealing with your own child. I think that was also very powerful.
[00:24:58] Uri Schneider: What would you say about that?
[00:25:00] Jonathan Cohen: I think a mother, because it's their son, has that extra patience. The father has that patience. But sometimes it's like, don't bother the neighbor as opposed to figure out how to bring it together. Uh, they also, and, but that's
[00:25:15] Uri Schneider: normal
[00:25:16] Jonathan Cohen: that I, I don't know what was normal. I never slept in a hospital like that.
But the
[00:25:20] Uri Schneider: observation for dads that find themselves in that place, maybe not to be so tough on themselves, in other words. Yeah. Oh, for sure. There's certain normalcy that, that fathers, there's a dynamic. Yeah. Yes, yes. And they can't, they can't be a mother.
[00:25:35] Jonathan Cohen: Correct. 'cause a mother could do 32 things at the same time.
And my wife was managing the household, managing siblings, managing a phone, managing people wanna come and visit. And just even one thing I tell my wife is overwhelming just to manage. And she was doing it all and she was doing amazing. And again, I'll say it again. She hates when I sing her praises because she doesn't like the praise.
She doesn't need the praise part of the
[00:25:59] Uri Schneider: praise.
[00:26:00] Jonathan Cohen: Yeah, I think a lot of women, a lot of people know my wife and they know how special she is and she does it because she does it. That's just her nature. Part of the strategy was not sleeping in the hospital at night because you need to get a good night's sleep, even though the patient needs it, but there's not much that you could really do for them because hopefully you'll sleep.
I didn't, but that's the goal. You need to recoup. Your children need you, uh, other people need you. The house needs, you know, just food. And they, they know what is needed. So many of the neighbors are so good, and I could tell you that not to call out one neighbor over another one, but instead of saying, what's your favorite restaurant?
And we'll give, you know, we'll take you there for dinner. Actually, two people I'm thinking about now, one just gave a voucher to ice cream store so that you just go and you do it so that you don't have to think about it. And another one came one night who somebody just said. He goes, aunt Tzivia, I'm taking the kids out to whatever meat restaurant it is.
Again, not thinking twice, not giving an option of how I could help you. They just did it. Don't think, just do, just do. And that young man is, uh, just got married this week. Wow. And we went to his wedding and he introduced my wife to everybody. Is Aunt Tzivia just in terms of that. He's not a relative. Not a relative, but he is been a ben bait (like an adopted son).
He's been by us so many times. A good friend of my son and, uh, very special young man. So tell us
[00:27:30] Uri Schneider: about, uh, you become a patient. You certainly are not an invalid, um, but you become a patient. People want to visit you. People want to, it almost became a, a thing, you know, you have, you have quite a network of people that you're connected to, people that you work with, that you've been there for them professionally, personally, et cetera.
And then, uh, now you're receiving visitors and people wanna show up for you. And then you have this status on your WhatsApp, which was always a thing to showcase other people.
[00:28:00] Jonathan Cohen: But it becomes a,
[00:28:00] Uri Schneider: a place where people see, oh, look who visited JoCo? Look who visited Jonathan Cohen. I mean, lehavdil. You know, when we grew up there were like, there was like Madonna, you know, like people with like one name.
Ouch. That was their moniker. But like, uh, thank, thankfully we have JoCo. I mean, I don't have such a thing. You're JoCo Jonathan Cohen. Wow. That's the, uh, I'm sporting
[00:28:21] Jonathan Cohen: the shirt today, thanks to,
[00:28:22] Uri Schneider: uh,
[00:28:23] Jonathan Cohen: flash.
[00:28:24] Uri Schneider: Let's hear it for flash. You know, so we got all this stuff, but it becomes a thing 'cause you see on the status.
Who visited JoCo today? So you were telling me that there are visitors and there are visitors. What do you wanna say about that?
[00:28:36] Jonathan Cohen: So I guess it also was
[00:28:37] Uri Schneider: informative. It's not to rip on people, but rather to really be instructive and informative. If you're someone that wants to be visiting someone who's not, well, who could use the visit.
What are some things you could take as you're so, so I'll tell you, there's,
[00:28:51] Jonathan Cohen: I think there's definitely different stages. The hospital that first week and I guess thankfully I was in Hadassah Ein Kerem, which is closer to Yerushalayim (Jerusalem) and therefore people who live in Jerusalem, it's a lot easier. It's a lot closer. The parking I know is not easy, so thank you everybody who did it.
And even, uh, for people from Ramat Bet Shemesh and Bet Shemesh that came, it's a little bit further, it's a little bit harder. It's like when I'm home it's easier for people to drop by. But I'll tell you that first week there were certain people, like, they weren't even thinking about themselves. They were thinking about what can we do to put a smile on your face?
And Michael Olshin made a wedding last night. Uh, he was able to bring Schmuel who was a famous singer. And it wasn't just even about me. My kids were so excited. And a lot of just what's going on is I might be the patient. But part of the best visiting that people do is they wanna know how my wife's doing.
They wanna know how my kids are doing. Shout out to Chayeinu who came on Hanukkah time and they came, they brought presents to my kids. Not, not to me. You know, I'll, I'll somehow manage or I'll figure it out. But, uh, it's nice that people take the time to check on them. And also that first week, uh, we had my, my rabbi, my rabbi that I listened to his Torah, shiurim (classes) on Gemara and Mishnayos Rabbi Resnick, and the All Mishna and All Daf where he came and whether he came on his own or I think someone said, oh, I made sure he came.
Doesn't make a difference. He came and he said, I heard you like guitar and you like music, so I'm here to also play for you. And also, you know, sometimes if you come by yourself versus you come with a group, sometimes playing music's a little bit easier. There are random people who visit the hospital, who play music and put smiles on your face.
And you told
[00:30:56] Uri Schneider: me the importance of the smile.
[00:30:58] Jonathan Cohen: That's unbelievable is a smile because that goes back to now triggering, given from my daughter and from Hadas Lowenstern of even when we're going through tough times, there's this capto that talks about of just, yes, we're allowed to get upset, we're allowed to get angry.
And that's the whole story that, uh, share with Rachel Frankel just two weeks ago, uh, sometimes with the happiest people in the world because Rachel Frankel, her son, was one of the three boys that were kidnapped outside, uh, ion by a, by a, uh, hitchhiking stop or trempiada in Hebrew. And for 18 days, they were looking for the three boys.
And unfortunately, he was killed. And she's become a, uh, very popular speaker. Another chaver (friend) mine who's come to visit, uh, frequently, Rabbi Leo Dee whose wife and two daughters, uh, were killed in a terrorist attack two years ago. So he had a memorial. He has a, a 16-year-old son and two other daughters are Baruch Hashem (thank God) are alive and well, and, uh, you know, doing what they're doing and doing very well for themselves.
And he brought Rachel Frankel to be the keynote speaker. And the whole time I was thinking that today, that day, maybe it was, I was either the hardest person in the room or one of the hardest people to be in that room today. Uh, but I, when I'm in a really good mood and I'm smiling, and I probably do it 85% of the time, trying to get to 90% of the time.
I do feel like I'm the luckiest person and not to say everybody go out and get cancer, it, it was literally a shock to me. But now that I'm more dealing with it and now I'm 16 weeks and six days, I do feel very lucky and very fortunate of things that I get to do and as the visitors have come, just to have more meaningful conversations.
Part of what we'll say transitioned after the hospital visit and I, you know, the second week I was already now more back at home and still many, many people came and I appreciated and it was harder for me still to remember, but once it took more control of my schedule, so then I was, I have a phone that's off.
That, uh, that I write down who has come, I try to take pictures of people of com. I could look back just to see and remember because people have told me they came to visit me. And I, I didn't remember. That was a little bit harder for me to, uh, keep what was going on. And as time came on, I was seeing the difference of Yeshivas that were coming to play music as a group.
That was, someone said called it Grand Central Station. I called it Heaven, there were boys that would come. Just
[00:33:43] Uri Schneider: people don't understand when you say Grand Central Station.
[00:33:45] Jonathan Cohen: Grand Central Station is a New York term.
[00:33:47] Uri Schneider: Well, no, we know what Grand Central Station, but to picture a person with cancer. At home with a patch.
Yeah. Um, saying his house became Grand Central Station. I don't think anyone could really understand. You could have 40,
[00:33:58] Jonathan Cohen: 50 people coming in and out and literally 10, 12 hours a day, we had prayers in the house. Also because I was not, I was still in a wheelchair at the time. It was hard for me to walk and get out.
But having the prayers in my house, not the morning ones, which is a lot longer, 40 minutes to an hour, but the 10, 15 minute ones, that actually was very beneficial for people who are afraid, which I think is also important that some people don't know how to make a visit. They wanna make a visit and to come pray and be part of a quorum, uh, made it easier so that at the end, then they could take my, uh, prayer book.
Uh, they could say hello to me and not have to feel that they stayed for 10 minutes, 20 minutes, an hour. So that was actually very good. And after a few weeks when we stopped that, some of the adults came to me and said that, you know, the kids in the neighborhood, they feel really, you know, guilty because they're not comfortable coming to make you a visit.
And they actually enjoyed it. And I said, I understand, but if I can now walk, I could go with a walker and, and synagogue's only a seven minute walk where it should really be a two minute walk, but I should be doing that, I should be getting exercise. And I said, I'll find other ways to do my best to engage you.
I think the
[00:35:09] Uri Schneider: importance of like that, the power of that being like an on ramp, it's so hard to know what's the first thing to do or how to open up a conversation or how to touch you or not touch you or talk to you. Right. Or look at you. So sometimes having something that's not direct, uh, taking the prayer book the sitter or having some, uh, like you said, if there was an event in the house or something.
[00:35:28] Jonathan Cohen: Yeah.
[00:35:29] Uri Schneider: You know, it makes it easier definitely to initiate. Definitely. So what are some of the. What were some of the, a tip of a, you know, recommended, appreciated type of visit for JoCo? Excellent. And then maybe an example of, um, thank you for the intention, but that was not what I liked.
[00:35:47] Jonathan Cohen: So usually we try to schedule when people come, uh, Fridays is usually, we'll say the best day because it's a lighter day and just, I was sick with fever for a number of weeks in a row, which meant that Thursday was the end saga.
Sometimes end up in the hospital and then Friday would be a good day not to start running around. It just be home and people could come visit during the week. It's more slotted if it makes sense or not, because I like to go out, do charity work and we have to get to that too. We bookmark that. Yeah. But, uh, I don't, it's like not calling people out, but sometimes a person will say, I'm in the neighborhood.
Can I stop by now? I'm like, uh, I'm in the hospital now. Like, I'm really sorry. Or like, I tried to visit you three times, but I didn't know, uh, you know, why don't you schedule a visit? Like, I just feel like it, communication is still a hard thing in the generation that we live in with the, uh, the WhatsApps and even that a person, it'll be easy for me to say is, when's a good day to come visit?
I'll give you a great story. You like that? I, I love it because, so if someone wants
[00:36:57] Uri Schneider: to send a message, a message would be like, Hey, I'd love to visit. When's a good day? Ask you, when's a good day for? You'll be,
[00:37:02] Jonathan Cohen: it'll be amazing. I'll give you an example of a friend of mine, one of my mentors who passed away a few weeks ago, Moishe Kranzler.
He used to be the head of admissions for Yeshiva University.
[00:37:11] Uri Schneider: Actually just saw Ellie Kranzler in New York. We were talking. Oh, wow.
[00:37:14] Jonathan Cohen: So, uh, he left me a message at the end of December. Gave me some time to recoup. He himself was going through his own, uh, struggles or opportunities. And he called. He said, Jonathan, please tell me when's a good time for you to talk to me on the phone and not for me just to call you and assume that you're gonna answer the phone.
And I found that to be so magical. 'cause he himself was going through the same thing and he knew what was good for him and healthy for him. And I think that's so important. I think it's also trying to figure out what to talk about. Actually. Somebody like myself wants to hear more about them or what's going on in their world because it's not always so easy to open up to every single person as I call it.
I have people who are m more in an inner circle where I could really share anything and everything and any and every type of emotion, I could cry in front of them and it's okay. And there's other people that it's. I don't wanna say it's a check the box type visit, but it is like a check the box type visit.
What does that mean? That means that I would like to come and if it works out great, but if it doesn't work out, at least I'm thinking of you. But my, and when say come, then it's more like, what do you wanna talk about? Because I don't know if they wanna hear my hock. I'm not so much into the hock because I don't need to get down and be like, I haven't spoken to you in four weeks.
You have no idea what I've been going through. You don't know that I've had fever that I've been sitting in bed, or I've have shivers or just like, I could have used you two weeks ago. Or, I have friends who are amazing. They say they won't come visit me. They said, I won't come visit you because I know you have other visitors, but you tell me you need me.
I'm there in a second. So I know I could rely upon those people without having to, you know, wait for it. And then there's everything like in between. I had a great story where a guy came to visit me. He'll be like a popping visitor. He knows he'd come and go and if he sees other people come, he'll just leave because he'll know.
Like he didn't arrange to come, but he's just there to check him 'cause maybe it could be a good, good chance. And uh, he said, there's a guy in America who really would love for us to FaceTime. He just scared to do it himself. And I said, thank you so much. And that day I went and I reached out to that guy.
Didn't wait for the FaceTime opportunity. I waited to open the door for him. And there's so many people that are waiting for the doors to open. So I think that's where you talked about the, the status, which is exciting, but also dangerous, weapon danger. Dangerous in the sense I got a lot of people. A powerful
[00:39:55] Uri Schneider: tool.
A yeah, powerful. That can be a powerful tool in one direction and it can also be powerful. Yeah. A
[00:40:00] Jonathan Cohen: challenge I'll say, because people wrote to me and said, we don't feel that we need to reach out to you because we're following your status. We know exactly what's going on in your life. Mm-hmm. So one guy even said to me and goes, oh, how was your trip to America?
I said, my trip to America. I said, I, I can't even fly right now. I don't even know if they'll gimme insurance. But because they saw me posting a picture of something in the States, they just assumed that I was there. I'm in Ramesh, I'm in Israel. I don't think I'm flying so quickly. But, uh, I do post other things as well, but I do like to show things that can be good.
Some people know I try not to always get into a picture. Uh, but at the same time it tells a great story where I think, I don't wanna say people's lives are boring. I'm sure everybody enjoys their lives, but these last six weeks, many people have come to me, whether they're their at work or they have struggling with certain things that are going on at home.
And I'm sure we all struggle with that. I'm struggling with the balance as well of, you know, having a wife who's dealing with a cancer patient or my kids with a father who has cancer, and people always looking at them. And we even had once that someone went over to one of my kids and said, are you so-and-so's kid?
And they're like, yeah. He goes, oh, I feel so badly for you. So that's really bad advice of what to say. They wanna be out and they just wanna be themselves. My wife actually goes to a sheer, she goes to a study group every shabbas that they don't even know that her, her husband has cancer. 'cause she needs her outlet.
She plays basketball, she goes bike riding. She, but thank God she's getting back to her normal life so that it's also, it's not 24 7. Uh, but in terms of checking off the box where people come, I don't know what they're looking for in the visit. I don't wanna say hi, why do you wanna come visit? But I would love to make it a meaningful one.
So someone came last week, it was the cutest thing in the world. He did aromatherapy with me and shout out to Ely Allen who did that because my daughter, who's 15, sat there together for an hour making these beautiful small containers, not perfume, but of spices and smelling things of what works with rot.
And it was interactive and that was an awesome visit. Or someone told me, I'm taking my group to Poland, and we thought that we wanna incorporate you and can, can you share a message with our students? So that's been amazing. Or somebody who's come to visit and say, we'd love for you to come to speak in our seminary or our yeshiva because we think you have a powerful message to share.
But you know, we just wanna understand, are you up for it? Are you not up for it? Are you up for visitors because somebody became the spokesperson on behalf of their neighborhood. Not in a bad way, in a good way of people also don't know what the protocols are.
[00:42:50] Uri Schneider: Seems like it's a balance of, uh, taking the initiative and not holding back and thinking everything's sorted.
And on the other hand, being considerate and asking when's a good time?
[00:42:58] Jonathan Cohen: So I'll, I'll share with you, I guess maybe even just to wrap up this idea, I had one of my wonderful sister-in-laws over last week and said, Jonathan, what do you want? Because as we were talking it out. I myself can't always figure it out.
That's
[00:43:12] Uri Schneider: what I asked
[00:43:12] Jonathan Cohen: you
[00:43:12] Uri Schneider: today.
[00:43:13] Jonathan Cohen: Yeah. How do you make it that? It's a great visit, but I know that I'm sure she did it or maybe her kid's on her own. But I got three messages this week from her kids, not even to say hi, when can I come and visit you? But more, I just wanna check in on you. How are you doing?
What's going on? Where maybe the weight and uh, you know, some people felt things of different, uh, projects and someone came to visit me and they presented me a hagada that they did for my reah. I just got it. I'll give you a copy when we're done from, uh, Rabbi Michael Friedman, who I got connected to him through Akiva Naman.
And he made one in English and then he made one in Hebrew. And I'm, I'm searching, uh, not search, hopefully it shouldn't be too hard because once this goes out, but we wanna give out the s to people who are over survivors or someone who went through the trauma or tragedy of October 7th.
[00:44:07] Uri Schneider: The focus is trauma.
Yeah, trauma and healing from trauma. And any,
[00:44:10] Jonathan Cohen: anyone that could benefit from it or anybody that could put me in contact with someone, just either they could put a smile on my face or I could put a smile on their face. That's, I I think what you do about the ha exactly what you just said. Just in terms of, uh, trauma and healing people and trying to put a smile on somebody and something that allows a door to open where maybe I have no connection to you, but like, let's make a connection.
[00:44:33] Uri Schneider: You're a walking hagadah. You're a walking hagadah. That's what I just thought of. Because
[00:44:38] Jonathan Cohen: the maggid of telling the story you said.
[00:44:40] Uri Schneider: Yeah. Well you said how you know, you become the patient. You no longer call on the shots. You don't decide when you have your phone. Hmm. And then you threw in, and I want to go to this.
You said you started doing things and there are days that I've reached out to you and I said, you know, hey, I'm thinking of you? Would today be a good day for a visit? And you're like, Hmm, hold on. Today I've got this guy picking me up at nine 30. We have a very packed day. We're going down south.
We're doing this. Then we have this thing. You're like, what's going on? Like, how so how, why? And how, why is one question, meaning stay at home, be cozy. You're dealing with these fevers and shivers, and you're not, you're not yourself, you're not bawling, you know? But on the other hand, you're, you're really moving mountains and why do you do that?
And how do you do it?
[00:45:30] Jonathan Cohen: So I, I'll add in, I do take naps and person naps are good person shouldn't think that it's, I, I, I, I cannot. Do day, I take nap, a full day take nap, and I
[00:45:39] Uri Schneider: still don't pull off what you pull off.
[00:45:41] Jonathan Cohen: So sometimes I'll take a nap on the car, ride down, car ride home.
[00:45:45] Uri Schneider: What are these things? Why do you do them and how do you do them?
So
[00:45:47] Jonathan Cohen: I have to preface this because I don't want someone to think, oh wow, look at him. He could, people say to me, I told you, take
[00:45:52] Uri Schneider: naps. I told you, you gotta make sure. So you told me.
[00:45:54] Jonathan Cohen: And some days I feel bad 'cause my daughter came to visit me two weeks ago during the week and I really should have told her not to come because, uh, I was exhausted.
And she came for two and a half hours. And you, Eli, apologize. I think I nap for two hours of those two and a half hours. Okay. And then an hour and a half later, I'll still exhausted. I do try getting to bed sometimes by eight or nine o'clock at night. And many people say, oh, that's what we do also. Okay.
And when my hair. I lost some of my hair. Now it's starting to go back in like, oh, I'm bald also, so thank you. You know, I appreciate those type of things. But when I started this journey, one day, my wife and I went to a RO Hol Cancer Society. We had a meeting there and we met with one of the rabbis there, and he said that something that's very therapeutic is to get out of the house.
Don't always feel like you have to just be sitting. I'm telling you that when you get out, you just feel the air. Thank God this winter has been overall very good. That's what I remember. Someone could tell me it was pouring and it was raining, and yes, it could have been, and maybe it was the days that I was sick in bed.
I have no idea. Then we realized that the OU is office about it should be a five minute walk. It ended up being a 15, 20 minute walk. And then we went there and I saw the smiles on the people who maybe some had visited me, some didn't get a chance to visit me, and they were just so excited to see me. And I said to Tvia, I said, maybe this is something new that I should start doing.
And if I could find people who have time, whether they're working, you know, afternoon hours or maybe they have availability at nights, that maybe we could go places and do things. And we started with somebody I connected with in Netiv Ha'Asarah last year. I had gone on
[00:47:36] Uri Schneider: Netiv Ha'Asarah is one of the communities outside of Gaza, correct?
Yeah. The border decimated.
[00:47:41] Jonathan Cohen: And we went on a trip there last year and right before I got sick randomly, I went there. Random, random, random. Just went to go visit nine, no such thing. Random nine or 10 days before I, uh, got sick. Went to go visit, uh, Yael. She's Sister Hila that also lives in Netiv Ha'Asarah. About 300 people have returned out of a thousand.
[00:48:03] Uri Schneider: And this person, Yael, has a similar lifestyle. Looks like you, talks like you or she's I, I don't think
[00:48:07] Jonathan Cohen: so. No. No. She thinks that I'm the most religious person in the world because I'm from Bet Shemesh. She's blown away that someone from the Netiv Ha'Asarah I could actually have a connection to someone from Bet Shemesh. I do try to reach out to all my new connections.
I'll give away my secret, but I try every Friday to just wish 'em a good shabbos, just to have a good weekend. And they write back and we have this, you know, weekend connection where we try to get together and some have come to visit me. I have someone from Ofakim came to visit me. Yael tell me she's coming to our ma also soon, which would be amazing to bring her to see what goes on here.
Uh, Hanukah time, we, uh, put together some money and we got her a family, a ping pong table, which tell the story why, why the
[00:48:52] Uri Schneider: ping pong table you talked about.
[00:48:53] Jonathan Cohen: So again, Baruch Hashem, thank God that when you ask people what do you need, what do you, what can we help you with? The answer is always like. Nothing like, and if you wanna give like a donation or you, and then it's like, that's not why we did it.
She didn't want anything. She was resistant. And finally it was me and Akiva Naman and we looked at her and said, you know what, Hanukkah's coming up in a few weeks. I'm sure there's something your kids would love. And I saw her eyes just like light up. It's the same way you were appreciative when people
[00:49:20] Uri Schneider: did things with your kids.
[00:49:21] Jonathan Cohen: And uh, she wanted, uh, a ping pong table for her kids. And it turned out that one of those first days in the hospital, someone came to visit, heard the story, and uh, she ended up filling in the rest of the money. Someone that I know. And when my daughter got the money, she thought she was getting a gift from, uh, and it ended up, she said to, I'll explain to you everything.
And baruch Hashem, we able to get them ping pong table.
[00:49:48] Uri Schneider: And what did you for the family, I loved what you told me, how like it became for the kids,
[00:49:53] Jonathan Cohen: for the kids, they made it their dining room table now and they bring in all the friends from the neighborhood who are there. Uh, she herself is a cook, so she brings in groups as well.
And I'm sure they're using the ping pong table. And, uh, I'm not sure if it's easier or not to go tell your story. And it's her story to share, not my story, but, uh, when she saw me the first time after I got sick with a patch and a walking stick, she just thought it was, I don't wanna say a joke, but she couldn't believe it.
Like, she had just seen me a few days earlier, like full of energy and full of everything. And then all of a sudden, you know, you're sick and you have cancer. And, uh, thank God I, I bring friends.
[00:50:37] Uri Schneider: To visit her to,
[00:50:38] Jonathan Cohen: to visit her. Uh, I'd love to bring some, uh, groups of husbands and wives as well, or females as well, just so that, uh, she could see that there's more than just males that live in Ramat Bet Shemesh.
But, uh, amazing. We have a person, uh, in Ofakim that we also befriended, I Itamar Alus, who's, uh, one of the police officers who helped, uh, on October 7th and now he's getting an award from, I guess his area for all the amazing work. And I brought a number of groups there and he goes through the story graphic.
But, uh, I would say it's probably for kids at least 14 years old and older,
[00:51:12] Uri Schneider: how do you see, how do you see life? How do you see the world different today so than before?
[00:51:20] Jonathan Cohen: That's also an amazing question. So many ways I see life differently now,
[00:51:26] Uri Schneider: especially that because I think, I guess I just wanna say you have a patch on one eye.
So how I was thinking about and at the same, and you have the glasses and at the same time I think that. There are things that you're seeing a lot clearer than I am. True,
[00:51:40] Jonathan Cohen: true. So this eye we figured out is for more reading, not sight. This eye is more for sight at this point. We went to be from a specialist about two weeks ago that thank God my double vision is not like this.
'cause then you could choose where you wanna look. My double vision right now is more narrow. Mm-hmm. And he said maybe in a month or two I could take off the patch. And let's see, we're up to, if people see that I'm not wearing glasses, I don't have a patch, doesn't mean my eyesight's getting better. It just means I was a little bit too lazy.
So sometimes that's like on a Friday night after I shower, I just don't wanna put on a new patch or I'm very, very tired. So don't think that's a good sign. The people will write to me and say, wow, you're getting so much better.
[00:52:22] Uri Schneider: There was a, there was think, think before you write at our son's school, the principal, Rabbi Danny Meyers.
Uh, at the time. And he, uh, he often holds books very close to his eyes. He's often has his eyes and head in the books, in the text. Wow. And you could see that over time his eyesight has deteriorated. So this person who spoke said, uh, I'll never forget, it applies to you as well. He might not see well, but he sees good to see the good.
So
[00:52:49] Jonathan Cohen: I see, yeah, I see. Amazing. I do see now clearer of nuances of other people, which sometimes scare me, where if I see somebody, they just look exhausted or I see sometimes how they're walking with their wife or the attention they're giving their kids. I know I'm still working on it, but hopefully I'm seeing it from a whole new vision point.
And, uh, what do you see? I, I see how, I think in the world at large, we, we have to take a step back and try to be a little bit nicer to each other, even though again, we're all going home with the same people. But, uh, you know,
[00:53:31] Uri Schneider: you're talking about in our homes,
[00:53:33] Jonathan Cohen: in our, and outside our homes. I think inside our homes, nobody knows what goes on.
That's like unless you have windows that are wide open and the neighbors could hear. But I think outside the home sometimes we do try putting on a facade that everything's good. But I sometimes see that facade that's a little bit more reality. Like, I can't believe you just spoke to your spouse like that and like, I just heard that.
Or I had a great line this week of somebody. When we do go. Down of like, can you take my, uh, spouse my husband out more often and get a smile on his face? Like he's a little bit more down. It's not that they're down sometimes we all see life in the way that we're seeing it. Sometimes we just don't know what the other person's going, uh, through Yesterday, when I went for a radiation yesterday, so one of the rules is you're not really supposed to like talk to the people around you.
And there I am, Hey, how are you? What's going on? I'm like, you don't know what's going on. So we did see somebody that we knew yesterday and just being cautious of the conversations and you know, when I could say to them or they could say to me where, totally different stages, but we understand each other on the surface level.
Definitely each of us have our own shoes. And just like, I don't say the false brahas, I know they mean them well, but like you should get ready. Like you should get better all tomorrow. I'm like, I got sick like today. Like, you know, to get better. I, I know that there's a, there's a procession and I know what I have coming up, uh, next week and I, I know for myself that that's part of getting better.
ChatGPT is a good thing to use, but it's also like, people tell me it's scary. 'cause when you read it, you know, sometimes it puts you very down what you read, but it's also, they've been right on a lot of things. That's what I'm saying. One of the
[00:55:17] Uri Schneider: things about ChatGPT, bt that I've been thinking about a lot is how much it's accelerating and I'm using, I'm using a lot, I'm producing an incredible amount of content for the work that I do, but it doesn't make you feel something makes when you sit with a person, makes me.
When you sit with a person, you can create a feeling, a piece of art, a piece of music, a hug, a smile can transmit a feeling.
[00:55:41] Jonathan Cohen: Not yet. So for me, the ChatGPT gives me a sense, a little bit of calmness and reality. Of like an afterthought of like, this is what the doctor said, or this is what we conversed about.
And then I see they give you options. They give you like five things that maybe this will, you know, come up and it, it's, it's on the money.
[00:56:01] Uri Schneider: Yeah,
[00:56:01] Jonathan Cohen: no, for information, for information, what I see of potential future of different things, that makes me a little bit, uh, nervous. But at the same time as the doctors tell me I'm in a marathon, I don't know how long the marathon is going to be, but also important for people to realize, because I ask this loaded question each time I meet with my doctor.
I hope he knows it's coming already, but like, am I fighting or am I managing? It's a loaded question. It's a real question. And that's something that like, you know, not to choke people up, but right now he told me, I'm, I'm fighting and I'm in the fighting stage.
[00:56:41] Uri Schneider: What does that mean to you?
[00:56:42] Jonathan Cohen: That means that people adopting for me,
[00:56:45] Uri Schneider: what does fighting mean?
[00:56:46] Jonathan Cohen: Fighting means that there's still, uh, opportunities to hopefully, I don't know what that means to get my life back or my new life back, but we we're gonna do whatever we can to keep you alive. We're not just trying to keep you happy and make up stories and at the end of the day, like, sorry, I like when they're real to me.
I like when they can answer my questions. They're doctors, they're not God, and they know that, and they said, we're gonna try everything that we can. That's why some of the medication that I was on gave me fevers. So we have to make an adjustment. Some of the things started giving me hives to make an adjustment, maybe too much, too little at the same time, you know, we're trying to figure out what has also helped start to shrink my cancer.
Is it the radiation that I've done or is it the medication? These are where these professional people through trial and error have to figure out what's, what they feel is best. I'll put in a. Interesting situation just yesterday where one doctor said, do A, and one doctor said B, and they left the choice up to me.
So I'll be honest, this time I played offense because if we're fighting, they tell you when you're a fighter, then don't just wait and sit back and uh, I took one of the doctors, I love each doctor if they happen to hear this. You are all amazing. But I need to be a little bit proactive because I'm still the patient.
And we did the radiation yesterday and that's where I met some people in the radiation and they all have their stories.
[00:58:20] Uri Schneider: What would you say, two more questions you told, you said, you know, you try to be upbeat, maybe 80% of the time you're shooting for 90%, but there's also the 10% of the time. What gets you through that?
What do you lean on?
[00:58:35] Jonathan Cohen: Wow. Okay. That, that's a choke-up type question. I wanted talk about that. I know a tough question. Yeah. And
[00:58:40] Uri Schneider: I want, you know, you don't have to
[00:58:41] Jonathan Cohen: No, no, no. I think it's important because people have told me that, uh, I'll, I'll give you the story I have this week when, uh, I have the opportunity to walk into Kfar Azza and I was there for about a half an hour.
I got a tour and, uh, I was there with Rob Airley. We bumped into a woman who survived October 7th, and she was giving a tour to people, actually saved her. She didn't really remember them because she said the day was, in a sense, like a, a fog in a face. She only understood what happened in Nova. Two weeks later.
She had to take care of her husband and kids, and, uh, she wished if somebody were to help her, the thing that she would've loved help with is taking her kids off her legs and just giving her some space to digest. That's what she needed. She is an amazing person. I only met for a few days, few minutes, hopefully I'll get to meet her again.
But I asked her this type of question of like, tell me I see how you are today. And she says, giving tours really, you know, gives her that energy. But I said, how are you in the beginning stages? You're about 16, 17 months later. I'm only four months right now. She said, I'm telling you, it was the hardest. It was so hard.
And I didn't want to get up. I didn't wanna get up. I met a number of people in these type of stages that it's not easy. And shout out to all these people who are going through, you know, their trauma and going through, you know, hopefully it'll be a good trajectory to get them where they need to and hopefully they'll get the right support.
Yeah. And when I get down, I do want that alone time to walk around, but I wanna be surrounded by people. Who are just positive. That's what I need. Just a warm thought. Not to like knock me down, uh, to validate sometimes my thoughts and my feelings that maybe they're wrong or bad. You know what? Give it to me.
I'm sick. You know, don't try to like, you know, uh, make up an excuse. I get some of those messages, you know, I'm really sorry. I've been busy and I haven't had a chance to visit you in nine weeks. Honestly. I've been also pretty busy. I'm sick. Find the time. Find the 10 minutes, find the 20 minutes. So you know what?
Go to sleep 20 minutes later. That's my charifus (sharpness) I guess of like my strength of like, everybody has the time and I know it. I know you mean well, I don't really mean to call anybody out, but like I had Yair Tzippel who got hurt a year ago in an army attack where two of his friends were killed and others were injured and ya spel came to visit me in the hospital.
From Petach Tikvah who was in, in and out of shikum (rehab) to Hadassah Ein Kerem which is not a close ride, and I said, why did you come? He said, my aunt told me to come. You're an important person. If someone like ya sip. And I got to go to his wedding and give him a hug and just see how amazing he looks. He found the time or another friend who came outta Jabalia, which is a location in Gaza that we're fighting, who found the, that's gotta be a father ride.
And he was on his way to go see his wife and kid, but he came to see me first. I think everybody has time and I think that's what sometimes makes me sad. It was where I think people do have the time, it's just not important enough for them or they don't know how to do it. I'm giving everybody that opportunity to reach out, come visit, find the time.
So maybe it won't be today, it might not be tomorrow. But it's important because these weeks do go in strands where yes, you could have 50 people running in and then, you know, you go through strands up, we're going out and we're gonna go visit places. And we have the other time where we'll have the visitor day or just making time for the immediate family, which it was also a lesson that I learned where, you know, they sort of wanna know, they don't know how much.
And that's what my sister-in-law told me is like, maybe you don't wanna share with them everything. Maybe you do. Like, I have to figure out how to engage. And this is also for anyone who has that, uh, the devices that have no WhatsApp on it. I firmly believe get it, use it for good. If you're having a hard time struggling with it, turn off your phone for 23 hours and for one hour, or even for it takes seven seconds.
It's even just write, hi, how are you doing? And I have a lot of friends that they help me get through those times sometimes where I'll get a message, I'll be like, how are you doing today? It's a great line to say. Or after Shava, I get another, their messages and like, we hope you read this after shabbos, where last week I had a very tough shabbos.
And all of a sudden you get these message and you're like, wow, we're gonna start again and we're gonna, you know, put a smile on and we'll take every day, one day at a time.
[01:03:29] Uri Schneider: My last question is kind of to really squeeze the value of this conversation and, and this experience that you're going through. For those of us trying to walk by your side and gaining and learning from you and also trying to be there for you, what's something that JoCo today, Jonathan Cohen today, would tell Jonathan Cohen, November, 2024.
What have you come to appreciate now that you would like to signal to those of us on the outside or to yourself on the earlier version of yourself?
[01:04:08] Jonathan Cohen: Wow, that's amazing. So maybe I'll use a line that I just heard this week from, uh, I don't wanna say who, just in case you can't say it out loud and it'll, but tomorrow will come and whatever was left to get done today, it'll still be there.
And I think everybody, the whole world at large needs to take a step back. Not to always feel that they're rushing. I love these, uh, even adults, they're running to shul. Really?
[01:04:44] Uri Schneider: I'm running to work. I'm running home. I'm
[01:04:45] Jonathan Cohen: running. Yeah. They're using that term. Why are you not just walking? So you'll say, I maximize every second I was out.
You are running all around your house, doing your work, and you run like. Everybody tells me things and then they'll tell me, oh yeah, I had to watch Netflix for an hour, an hour and a half. Everyone needs downtime. They have to figure out what their downtime is, whether they go swimming, they play basketball, they read, you know, maybe they're watching some type of a show.
I took off my Netflix from the summertime, just random. So whatever. If I need to listen, sign in the background, I'll find one of my kids and my wife will put something in the background. Just, uh, I could hopefully go to sleep. But, uh, I think what I've learned most importantly is that we have to be there more for each other.
We have to find even just two people who maybe are going through something that we don't realize and figure out how we could be there for them. And it doesn't also have to be for that person. We once visited someone in the hospital. We were told they don't want any visitors. We went to visit somebody, we ended up on the wrong floor and we ended up by the person didn't want visitors, and we bumped into the spouse.
And afterwards we found out that the person was so appreciative that even though the spouse didn't want visitors, that person needed the visitor. So there is a whole family and there's a whole network of what's going on that could also use the reach out. And knowing how much is, is good. And without prying too much.
A lot of people I've learned in the last few months are outta work or they're dealing with, uh, you know, home situations. Now, I can't just go run and go babysit, but I'll tell you one of the cutest things that I've taken upon myself and people realize that's not so hard anymore, is I'll ask them if they have some shopping bags.
And I see they're struggling. They're looking for someone to help. I say, can I help you? They'll never take the help from me. I don't know why. No. Yeah, but then they just figure it out on their own and they realize, wow, it's not so bad. And I think when people share sometimes stories, none of what it means to be a hero.
I think being a hero also means going through challenges and creating opportunities. And again, some of these people that I've met, I would never have met them. And for an army to come to me, they, one of the commanders and say, thank you so much what you've done for our community, you know, and we've heard about you, so how can each and uh, each and every one of us be known?
Many of us already doing it. I know a lot of silence, sad in this neighborhood, and they should continue doing what they're doing silently. I don't think what they're doing needs to be made known. They know what they're doing and now I sort of know what they're doing. But there are other people, I'm sure there's one or two things that they could find.
I. That could take on the next thing. It doesn't have to be day to day because people are busy and make sure that the work that you're doing, don't all quit your jobs, but make sure work you're doing is meaningful to you so that you can make that impact. And what are you doing every day to make that impact on also the greater good.
And it doesn't mean running to every little, I think I take on too much. Not in a bad way, but I think everybody has to find their thing. For example, I gone twice this week to go package sandwiches outside of Beeri for the chayalim, literally by the Beeri Corridor in different places. And these volunteers, they choose once a week that they do it, and that's their thing.
It doesn't have to be seven days a week. It could be like this is their thing that they do for soul, but they're doing something for the greater good of the Jewish people.
[01:08:29] Uri Schneider: You had a billboard. You got billboard, you got two lines you could put up.
[01:08:33] Jonathan Cohen: So one would always be keep smiling. And I've seen that places and uh,
remember that you're always looking at somebody else. That could be, I think ChatGPT could probably, you know, put that together into a great slogan.
[01:08:56] Uri Schneider: I think. I think, I think you got it. Of uh, thank you. Yeah. Thank you for sharing the time, your garden and your story.
[01:09:05] Jonathan Cohen: But you understand that. I just realized why I said it.
Why you ready for this? Because keep smiling means that other people are looking at you and try to always see what's going on. Somebody else. 'cause you are looking at them.
[01:09:18] Uri Schneider: You took us into your inner space. Your reshus hayachid took us on the inside, but many say that your face is what shows to the world. Oh. And if you realize people are looking.
People are looking at you. I just made that up. That
[01:09:30] Jonathan Cohen: was not like planned. No, you didn't make it. It came from the inside.
[01:09:32] Uri Schneider: Why? But you, you, you practiced this. And for many of us that know you and love you, this is what we see. That, you know, people are looking and you're able to be real and you're able to give yourself space to have those times that are not so pleasant, that are challenging and dark and heavy, but you also seem to make an effort that, you know, people are watching, people are looking, and you give us a smile and it makes us smile and it becomes a, a reverb.
Wow. And the interesting thing is you're patient, but you're not only receiving, you're giving. And for those of us that think we're giving, we're also receiving. And to realize there's this exchange going on, that's the way the world goes. Wow. So thank you so much for this.
[01:10:07] Jonathan Cohen: Thank you. This was, uh, very rewarding.
Should be a, I learned a lot. Thank you so much for the opportunity.
[01:10:16] Uri Schneider: Thank you.
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